10 Things We Wish We Knew Before Traveling as a Gay Couple
Traveling as a gay couple is an adventure, but it comes with unique challenges. From hotel bookings to safety tips, here are 10 things we wish we had known before we started exploring the world together.
The Reality of Gay Couple Travel
Traveling the world as a couple is one of our greatest joys. Itβs a privilege to be able to explore the world with someone you love and, trust us, thereβs never a dull moment (if youβre in a traveling gay couple, you get it!) but at the same time, there are certain things we had to learn about same-sex travel that we had no idea about. And why would we? After all there is no handy book that gives you all the right answers.
Weβve had moments where checking into a hotel felt awkward, where people assumed we were just friends, and where we had to adjust our public behavior depending on the country we were in. Itβs not ideal, but itβs the reality of gay travel.
Would we change a thing? Absolutely not. But if we could go back in time and give ourselves some advice, hereβs what weβd say.
π© Before we dive in, if youβre planning a trip soon, make sure to grab our free Gay Travel Safety Guideβpacked with essential tips for traveling smart and safe!
π Click here to download it!
1. Not Every "Gay-Friendly" Country Feels Safe
Thereβs a big difference between gay rights on paper and what itβs like to exist as a gay couple in real life. For example, Mexico has legalized same-sex marriage, and cities like Mexico City and Puerto Vallarta are incredibly gay-friendly but in smaller towns, attitudes can be more conservative, and certain areas donβt feel as welcoming. Same goes for the United States, UK and so many other countries that are deemed βgay-friendly.β Just because their laws donβt make same-sex activity illegal, doesnβt mean the sentiment is automatically accepting.
On the flip side, and we see this a lot, some countries that donβt legally recognize same-sex marriage feel accepting and safe for us a both gay travelers and a gay couple. Japan for example.
So what weβve learned is that laws donβt always dictate culture, so always research real traveler experiences before booking your trip. And just be open to the fact that this will happen and your experience might be different than other gay travelers, and thatβs okay. Thatβs the nature of travel.
2. Booking Hotels as a Gay Couple Can Be⦠Interesting
Being that weβre from two seemingly progressive countries, we never thought twice about booking a hotel room together. We never thought about requesting two beds because the perception in whatever country will be troubling. Even in gay-friendly destinations, some hotels still operate with outdated assumptions. Weβve had moments where hotel staff hesitated before handing over the key or awkwardly asked, "Would you like two beds?"
How do we avoid this? Well, if we know the country is fairly progressive, we just book a room with one bed and itβs never been an issue. If we know the country isnβt as gay-friendly or sentiment towards the LGBTQ+ community is not as open, then we 1) book a room with twin beds (better safe than sorry) or 2) always, and we mean ALWAYS, read hotel reviews and look for mentions of gay travelers. If weβre unsure about a hotel, we keep searching or go for a brand-name hotel. Weβve notice that they tend to have Western hospitality, which makes it easier for gay travelers. Now, if available, we look on Misterb&b (a gay-friendly alternative to Airbnb) for hotels.
3. Being Discreet Isnβt Always About FearβItβs About Strategy
Thereβs a misconception that "acting straight" while traveling is giving in to oppression. But in some places, blending in isnβt about shameβitβs about smart travel strategy. Weβve done this a lot, unfortunately, presenting or being seen as βfriendsβ instead of a gay couple. And weβve been okay with it because we know itβs temporary and weβre aware that we must respect local customs and laws in some of the countries we choose to visit. For example, in Morocco, PDA (even for straight couples) is rare. Not holding hands wasnβt about hidingβit was about respecting local norms.
Now, this doesnβt mean that we will happily visit any country. Some countries are off limits for us, due to their extreme outlook on the gay community. For us itβs about choosing between our personal comfort and seeing the world. Most of the time we strick a good balance and other times we reject the idea of visiting said country because itβs too risky. You have to make that choice yourself but remember: Blending in is a choice that doesnβt necessarily mean giving into oppression. But if thatβs what it feels like for you, donβt visit that country.
4. Know Your βCoverβ Story at Immigration
One of the things we never thought about was immigration and the story we would tell in case we were questioned. It just never came to mind, until we read stories (although rare) during our research about how some gay couples were questioned and they didnβt know what to say. Although itβs very rare β itβs never happened to us β we thought itβd be smart to have our βstoryβ in place for the small chance it happened.
We donβt mean to instill any fear because, again, this rarely happens but we just want you to be prepared. Assess the situation, know when itβs safe to go up to immigration together or when itβs best to go into separate lines. The majority of officers donβt give a crap. They just care if youβll overstay your welcome, but some might be more intrusive and thatβs the reality. If they suspect youβre a couple, they might ask where youβre staying, how you know each other, or why youβre traveling together. Have your βcoverβ story.
5. Gay Nightlife Isnβt Always What You Expect
If experiencing the nightlife is your thing, then keep in mind that not every gay-friendly city has a huge LGBTQ+ nightlife scene and some destinations with no legal protections have thriving underground scenes.
For example:
β Berlin & Bangkok? Insane gay nightlife.
β Mexico City? Super diverse scene.
β Tokyo? Small but vibrant.
β Dubai or Morocco? Zero public gay bars, but private house parties exist.
Personally, we donβt often travel to experience the gay nightlife. Itβs nice if itβs there but we donβt go out of our way to find it. Weβre okay with cocktail bars that simply allow us to be together without watching us like hawks. Weβve experienced most gay nightlife, but weβre no experts so please always do your research before you go and outweigh the pros and cons, if youβre in a certain country that might be more underground scene than anything. If you have any questions, however, let us know!
6. Apps Like Grindr & Tinder Can Be Risky Abroad
This is more for our single or open-relationship brothers and sisters, as we donβt use dating apps, but we have researched enough to know that you should be very, very weary to use them in certain countries. Some governments actively monitor dating apps to entrap gay people, which is terrifying and awful but thatβs the reality. We visited Egypt in 2022 and it was lovely, but we do know that Egyptβs government is knowing for doing this, along with other surrounding countries. As we say, safety first! But if you still want to hopefully connect with gay locals, then make sure you:
β Use a VPN when accessing apps in restrictive countries.
β If meeting someone, do it in a public place first.
β Research if the app has been used for entrapment before using it.
7. Some Locals Will Be Extra Curious About You
When youβre from two progressive countries, you automatically assume everyone has met or at least seen one gay person in their lifetime. But thatβs not the case for most people in certain countries, so inherently if they donβt assume your friends, they will be curious about you, even if youβre total strangers.
Weβve had locals ask if weβre friends or business partners; stare at usβnot in a rude way, just out of curiosity; or even make playful comments when they suspect weβre a couple. When we were in Marrakech, we had a shop owner cat-call us saying something like βcome shop, sexiesβ (hilarious right?). But it was harmless and we just acted like we didnβt hear anything because we didnβt want to entertain it further. So keep this in mind, it might be uncomfortable but know that most of the time, itβs harmless and comes from genuine curiosity.
8. Even Gay-Friendly Countries Have Unsafe Areas
Just because a country has legal gay rights doesnβt mean every neighborhood is safe and you must practice with caution. Bigger cities always tend to be fine, but donβt expect the same level of openness if youβre traveling to the outskirts of town, etc. For example, Barcelona and Paris are extremely open cities, but Pride celebrations and all, but they still report gay hate crimes every now and again. We donβt want you to live in fear, as weβve said, but keep this mind.
β How to stay safe:
Research safe neighborhoods before booking accommodations.
Stay aware of your surroundings at night.
9. Always Have a Backup Plan in Case Things Go South
We are so bad about this, like truly bad, but weβre trying to get better about having a backup plan should things go array. You just never know what can happen, so itβs better to be safe than sorry. Not to mention, Omie has anxiety so heβs always five steps ahead anyway haha. Some of the things we recommend is:
β Travel insurance is a MUST for gay travelers.
β Always keep emergency contacts & digital copies of passports.
β Know where your countryβs embassy isβjust in case.
This is basic travel safety, but for gay travelers, having an exit strategy can be even more crucial.
10. Gay Travel Groups & Forums Are GOLD
Some of the best advice wonβt come from Googleβitβll come from other gay travelers. We canβt tell you how helpful the tips weβve read on Facebook groups or Reddit have been. They have changed most of our itineraries, or even trips β opting to go to a country for another, based on reviews and real-life accounts.
Before visiting a new destination, we always Google search to find gay-centric articles, read reviews or posts from Facebook gay travel groups and Reddit forums, and even check out Instagram hashtags. Itβs silly but helps!
π‘ Want to feel more confident on your next trip? Download our free LGBTQ+ Travel Safety Guide!
Final Thoughts: Traveling Smart as a Gay Couple
Traveling as a gay couple is one of the best things we do together. Itβs empowering, exciting, and filled with unforgettable experiences. Some destinations require extra caution, but we should never feel like we canβt explore the world. We hope this helps you, even if youβre just a gay traveler visiting a new country with friends or a seasoned gay couple.
Weβd love to hear from you! Have you had any interesting experiences traveling as an LGBTQ+ couple? Drop a comment below!
